“Tiger” Parenting : Do you know what is it ?

Where the obssessive search for success in their children lead them to failure ! “Tiger” parenting

From a very young age, they impose on them strict discipline and put them under great pressure; Academic grades are the most important thing and they do not tolerate them falling below A’s.

Mothers or fathers who demand academic perfection , thinking about a bright professional future for their children. Isn’t it a goal of the majority of parents? Yes, but with nuances. ‘Tiger’ Parenting take that goal to the most absolute extreme.

“It is a term that refers to an autoritarian and very strict educational and parenting style” says 
Isabel Bermúdez Hernández, health psychologist, specialist in child, adolescent and family psychology (@psicoup_psicologia) .

We use this term to refer to parents who have this style. If there is something that both are characterized by, it is that “they are very demanding , controlling” and put “a lot of pressure on their children to succeed in their studies and in life.”

High grades are the most important thing for them and they do not tolerate grades below an A , even in extracurricular activities they also demand the highest possible performance.” To do this, they impose on children, from a very young age, a strict study discipline that they must strictly follow.

Tiger mom and their constant search for success

Yes, many of them manage to fulfill their parents’ wishes, since “they have grown up with the need to meet the expectations of high academic and professional performance and, therefore, many work hard to obtain good results.” These children will shine in the professions they choose in the future, as do the daughters of Amy Chua , the Japanese author based in the United States who popularized the term in 2018 after the publication of her book ‘ Tiger Mothers, Lion Children ‘. They both graduated from Harvard and while one is a violin virtuoso, the other is a piano virtuoso. Success that they have achieved through tears, many tears, as the author herself recognized in her book. The book caused enormous controversy in the West.

However, it is important to keep in mind that not all children who are raised in this way end up being successful .” They are under such high pressure that “they may present even lower academic performance , since it is related to their emotional state.” The consequences of this parenting style can go much further.

This is how ‘tiger’ Parenting can harm children

The consequences of this style can lead the boy or girl to base all their self-esteem on academic success and achieving the challenges set by their families ”; When this is the case, “if for any reason they do not achieve it, it will lead them to feel frustrated, sad and invalid , in some cases leading to depression ,” warns Bermúdez Hernández.

Also, the tension and pressure to which they are subjected can make them feel stressed and anxious, and their ability to make decisions for themselves will even be diminished.” They will carry all of this with them for the rest of their lives and, “in the future, they may be people with a high degree of self-demand and low self-esteem

It is no wonder, considering that ‘tiger’ mothers have no problem making their children cry if they cannot finish their homework or perform a piece of music perfectly. Amy Chua, for example, openly admits that she even spoke very harshly to her daughters in those cases. And if the girls cried, she spoke to them even more harshly.

Indeed, as we said, in the case of this author’s daughters, now women, they have managed to shine academically , but is it worth it? “What is really important in life is not professional success, but the psycho-emotional well-being of people and their environment, which will contribute to a good state of mental health,” emphasizes the psychologist.

How to stop being a ‘tiger’ parenting?

Those who identify with this type of parenting and see themselves as ‘tiger’ parents. They can always regain the path of common sense and offer their children a more peaceful life. To do this, “the first and most important step is to recognize the impact that this type of parenting can have on your children and even look at the consequences that are already occurring and we had not related to this.”

 Furthermore, “demanding so much of their children also takes its toll on the mothers themselves, since it is exhausting to stay in that position , seeing the advantages that being more relaxed will bring them can also encourage them to change.”

These families must learn to lower expectations of their children and accept them as they are.” But not only that; It is essential, as parents, to understand that you have to let your children “make their own decisions and make mistakes sometimes.” And, of course, “it is also important to encourage open communication with your children so that they feel comfortable sharing their own thoughts and motivations without judging them.”