Why should parents talk to theirs children about Porn [Amazing tips]

If you have teenagers, know this: they watch XXX content. Experts say that avoiding it is a losing battle and recommend opening dialogue. Why they call it the “science fiction of sex.” How can parents talk to theirs children about it

Technology, among many other long etc, put pornography right there. Watching conditioned cinema or high-voltage erotic videos is fast, easy and free. Anyone with a cell phone in their hand can see all kinds of videos… of course, even kids. A recent study carried out by the Spanish NGO Save theChildren. On 1,753 boys and girls aged 13 to 17 states that. “adolescents see pornography for the first time at the age of 12. And almost 7 out of 10 (68.2%) do so. They do frequently (and in the last 30 days). This consumption occurs in private (93.9%), through the mobile phone, and without paying (98.5%).” Here we do not have any report that updates us on the situation, but in a globalized world it suggests that it should not be very different.

How can parents help theirs children ?

Because they heard a word they didn’t know and googled the meaning. Because a friend shared a link with them. Because they want to know what it is about and don’t dare to ask, because they lack knowledge… Today kids access all kinds of information and definitely It is something impossible to stop. What can we adults do? 

“It is important to enable dialogue. Yes, it is difficult and uncomfortable for both parties. To explain to them that on social networks, and on the Internet. Teenagers have access to a lot of topics for which they are often not prepared for. Points out the child and adolescent psychiatrist. Silvia Ongini. And she adds: “Topics that they cannot analyze because they do not yet have developed critical thinking. 

It is essential that they know that when searching for words linked to sex. Aggressive and violent content, even harmful, may appear. Of course it’s not about scaring. Through pornography, presentations of sexuality are transmitted. They are not representative of the complete intimate relationships of human beings. Says Ongini, who specializes in sexuality, childhood and adolescence.

Psychoanalyst and writer Luciano Lutereau believes along the same lines: “It is essential to talk because they know it, because it is accessible to them and because it may seem very attractive to them, without considering the effect it has on their lives. Here I think it is necessary to understand that we live in a hypersexualized society, in which content of this type is free and daily consumption. 

The word ‘porn‘ is no longer mentioned as a taboo or said in a low voice. To this we can add that search engines usually offer it in a privileged way in searches and, in a technological world, sharing these videos or films is just sending a link and not transporting magazines or cassettes. 

Who’s more likely to be interested in that males or females ?

And although there are ways to block pages or limit the content. That our children can access from their devices, the truth is that the law has made the trap. It is proven that in one way or another, from the age of 10/12, more males than females. (9 out of 10 boys versus 5 out of 10 girls. According to the Save the Children study) dabble in them.

And when it comes to understanding the importance of talking, the opinion of Erika Lust, a Swedish adult film director who today lives in Barcelona and is the mother of two pre-adolescent daughters, is key: “Traditional porn is very aggressive, immediately it is very strong, there is no explanation about the characters, their emotions, the context in which they find themselves or why they desire each other. That’s why we felt the need, together with my husband, to launch The Porn Conversation.” 

This is a guide, made in different languages, so that parents can share with their children. There are versions for preteens, between 9 and 11; another for boys aged 11 and 15 and one for older children. What is analyzed in these talks? This is how Lust herself explains it: “We try and tell why our bodies are different from those of very shaved actors and actresses; “If it really is that easy to lubricate or reach orgasm or if we can expect sex as a currency in the transactions of our daily lives.”

 It should be noted that Erika Lust has been generating productions outside of what is called mainstream for years: that is, the dominant trend. In 2005 she created her production company in Barcelona, ​​from where she generates films for adults of cinematic quality and with ethical content. Her films include diverse bodies, ages and races. In addition, she promotes porn where female pleasure is the protagonist.

The reason they watch pornography ?

Although the 20-year-olds consulted by this magazine assure that they do not watch these videos to innovate in their encounters, the study carried out by Save the Children contradicts them: “Half of the adolescents surveyed believe that pornography can give ideas for their experiences.” and 45.5% would like to put into practice what they see.” The report also highlights some risks that occur during these sexual encounters.

“The most dangerous aspect is that it is not necessary, or even considered, that consent must be given. Furthermore, there is an explicit exercise of violence. On many occasions, women appear experiencing displeasure or even pain, without this altering the development of the scene. This normalization can have a negative impact on the construction of desire,” the Spanish NGO concludes.The psychologist and sexologist Cecilia questions its virtues as an element to improve relationships: “I do not consider mainstream porn as a tool to improve sexual life. The use of erotic visual stimuli can motivate fantasy, but it is important to be able to select what type of content and especially in a market where there are not many options. Seeing it has effects on all ages. What’s more, the earlier we start consuming it, the more anxiety and distortion it can produce about what it really is. Practice allows us to confront what we see on the screen. The problem is that they look at it believing that this is how it should be.”

Danger combo

Allowing the little ones to get close to these types of images turns them into voyeurs of activities that they have never experienced and about which they do not talk openly. On the other hand, it is no secret that in general they are stereotyped content and that they naturalize a series of reprehensible attitudes. “These proposals come before any type of sexual education. That is to say, it is an intense and massive consumption on a young and vulnerable population that, furthermore, does not have adequate information.

 What’s more, high exposure to mainstream pornography is related to greater violent behavior. There, not only do they not show scenes where consent is expressed, but there are also no care methods. Sadly, it is known that many videos that are uploaded are real rapes. Despite the complaints, the platforms remain active. Showing them as erotic content is not only a crime but is what is known as rape culture,” denounces lawyer Cecilia Ce.

And the dangers that many try to minimize or say that they are not so are definitely beginning to emerge. But experts have no doubt. “The industry is setting a sexual script for how we should behave. Somehow, we mislearn how sex should be seen and carried out. This alters the perception of what real bodies, times, bonds and real pleasures are. 

It’s as if we wanted to learn how to drive by watching Fast and Furious”, she graphically closes Ce, author of Sexo ATR and Carnaval all her life. For this reason, there are many people who call it the science fiction of sex.

Consequences and addictions

As a child and adolescent psychiatrist, Silvia Ongini knows the trauma that exposure to these images can cause in a child. “We know that any introduction of adult sexuality, into a psyche that is not prepared to metabolize it, is traumatic,” explains the expert and brings us the case of a 9-year-old patient who came to her office with high levels of anxiety and difficulties. for sleeping. 

“He told me that those images were imposed on him without him being able to handle it. This is what is called intrusive thoughts. In general, porn scenes have high doses of violence and there are others that are magnified. There sexuality is pure discharge and this child was afraid of having problems after seeing them.”

And it is the sexologist Cecilia Ce who provides another fact to take into account: continuous exposure produces habituation and addiction. She explains: “Consumption of content that directly impacts the dopaminergic brain circuit generates habituation. That is to say, I condition my brain to respond to an increasingly stronger and more direct stimulus, causing difficulties in responding to everyday stimuli. 

Like everything, it has to do with the frequency and the place it occupies in life.” Regarding addiction, Lutereau elaborates: “It is not measured quantitatively, but by the compulsion that lies in not being able to stop seeing; That is, you can watch for two seconds, let go, but then come back. 

This is the circuit. There you begin to take care of other things, other matters are neglected. It is not that it is a specific addiction of puberty and adolescence, but it also occurs in adults.” “Early sexual initiation, intimate encounters with violent and/or coercive behavior, inability to have an erection or adequate arousal without explicit images… these are some of the consequences that exposure to videos with explicit sex at an early age can cause,” says Ongini. .

But, don’t be alarmed, because in general fear paralyzes and this is precisely where we have to act. As? Speaking and understanding that in the 21st century, pornography will most likely be our children’s first sexual educator. And so that it does not happen, or so that it happens with the least amount of consequences, you have to verbalize it. Boys are curious by nature and as experts already say, we live in a hypersexualized society. It is not about covering eyes and ears but rather talking naturally and without prejudice.

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