Your child have a secure attachment

The attachment between parents and children can be secure or insecure. From there come behaviors, way of being in the world, type of relationships… The good news is that it is possible to improve this attachment over time, it is not static at all. But first of all, you should first know does your child have a secure attachment ?

Attachment is the special emotional bond that develops between a child and their primary caregivers. They are usually their parents or care figures. This is how psychologist Cecilia Cores Quiles, psychologist at the Cecilia Cores Psychological Center in Fuengirola (Málaga), describes it .

A thread that unites parents and children

Attachment is sometimes confused with being ‘stuck’ to parents. And it’s not that. The psychologist explains it this way: “I usually ask parents to imagine a thread that connects them to their children from the waist. This thread symbolizes attachment and represents the security and emotional bond that children have with their parents.”

When the child faces new and challenging situations. For example, a change in his life, sleeping alone without his parents or meeting new friends. In addition, the thread will be long and resistant when there is a secure attachment. ” in those activities feeling capable and safe,” he clarifies. undoubtedly, this is because they know that they can turn to their parents if they need it and that they will receive a receptive and loving response from them.

But if the attachment is insecure, this exploration of the environment by the child becomes problematic. “That thread is short, which prevents my son from feeling safe walking away from me,” he warns. This is what causes children with insecure attachment to have excessive separation anxiety, not want to explore their environment, and distrust the availability of their caregivers.

What effects does insecure attachment have on the child?

Insecure attachment

conditions the child’s daily life. In this sense, it can have different drawbacks, as detailed by the expert (www.ceciliacorespsicologa.es):

• Problems regulating your emotions, which can manifest through anxiety, aggression or social withdrawal.
• Difficulties concentrating, learning and having adequate academic performance.
• Behavioral problems and emotional outbursts, with challenging, aggressive or maladaptive behaviors, “in response to anxiety or lack of security in their relationships.”
• Greater propensity for depression, since isolation and lack of social reinforcements can affect their development, “causing a negative self-image and a lack of confidence in their own abilities and capabilities.”
• They use the house as a refuge to avoid facing the challenges of everyday life and stressful situations.

How to go from an your child have insecure attachment to your child have a secure attachment?

Also as Cecilia Cores points out, “attachment is not a static situation, but is constantly forming and changing.” It is influenced by both the situations the minor goes through and the emotional state of the parents.

Changing from an insecure attachment to a secure one is a complex process that requires time, effort and support. “Although attachment is established in early childhood, it is possible to work on it throughout life to improve the quality of relationships and emotional health,” she insists.

The work consists of identifying what past experiences may have contributed to that insecure attachment, and from there, retrace that path. “From that point, healthy attachment skills can be learned and practiced, such as empathy, effective communication, emotional expression, and building relationships based on trust.”

Having had an insecure attachment as a child does not necessarily mean that as a parent those patterns will be reproduced. You can do your own work, with or without professional help, to avoid this.

Three bases that help your child have a secure attachment

Secure attachment

begins to be established from the time the child is a newborn, meeting his or her basic needs for sleep, food, routines, attention to crying…

Throughout childhood, these are three key points that Cecilia Cores points out to lay the foundations for a secure attachment:

• Be sensitive to the needs of your children. Further, this involves paying attention to both physical and emotional cues and responding to them “in a sensitive and empathetic way, providing comfort and support when needed.”
• Encourage open communication. “Actively listen to your children and value their feelings and opinions. Encourage open and honest communication to strengthen trust and emotional connection.”
• Promote independence and autonomy. It is about supporting children to explore their environment and be independent. Furthermore, this helps them “develop confidence in their own abilities and strengthens their sense of security.” Finaly, the child have a secure attachment